This morning round 432,230,087 of pin the emby on the uterus began with the first of many blood lettings and another date with dildocam (I feel like we’re seeing so much of each other I’ve almost achieved ‘mistress’ status) but this time it was different. Dad of devilboy had an early start and I wasn’t able to organise anyone to look after a small devil at 6.30am.
I’ve studiously avoided taking Devilboy to Casa Conception as it can be difficult for some of the other childless Science Projectettes, who are at varying stages of trying to concieve, and are in varying states of distress over their personal infertility issues. They certainly don’t need a tot rubbed in their faces in that particular environment.
But on this occasion I had no choice. And it was ok, really it was (and yes, that is sarcasm). For the normally well behaved Devilboy turned it on. Initially he was suitably subdued and cuted the ladies into submission with his sweet smile. That was until he was sudenly gripped with enthusiasm for the ubiquitous Doctors waiting room Natonial Georgraphics and started screaming “more, more polar bear mummy!”
Becoming distressed when said mummy couldn’t make more polar bears magically appear on the following page, or in the October issue of Marie Claire, he instead decided to tip a cup of water over said mummy before laughing and running away at break neck speed, flustered mummy in hot pursuit. At this point I’m quite sure most of the remaining Science Prohjectettes started cancelling their cycles as they realised what they were potentially getting themselves in to and that their longed for babies would eventually become toddlers.
A tad embarrased by the scenette, I was fretting as to how he’d react when his mummy started getting poked and prodded by strangers… but my brave boy made me proud and perturbed all at once.
During the ultrasound he sweetly held and patted my hand saying “mummy sick.” I explained I was fine and we just need to see some pictures of mummys inside on the screen. “Mummy TV” was his excited response before telling us that it was his turn and that he too wanted a dildocam inserted so we could see “Me TV. Pwease?” Eww.
Druring the blood tests he watched intently as “mummy’s bud” came out. The nurse told him it was nice and red and he looked at her like she was a moron before informing her sternly “no, mummy bud yellow” and announced, as he had during the previous test, that it was “Me turn” only this time he wanted to perform teh prcesure as opposed to be the recipient. Affronted by the resounding no from the nurse, he put his hands out demanding “me do it” crossly… before poiltely adding “Pwease?”
So polite for such a twisted child.