It has been a very long ‘pregnant pause’ since my last post. I was knocked over by the dreaded lurgy for weeks, which, when added to the normal pregnancy symptoms of nausea, tiredness and headaches have left me pretty well spent.
The lack of being able to take anything for it meant it really dug in but I feel almost normal again. The brain is slowly starting to kick back in and stringing sentences together is once more an option… just. I’m 17 weeks along now and am allegedly in the ‘glowing’ energetic stage, except that I am neither glowing nor particularly energetic… more pasty, spotty and still quite easily tired. I still have a hideous cough leftover from the flu and I have to wonder if poor Truffle is already suffering from shaken baby syndrome by my constant hacking but I’ve been told he/she is fairly oblivious and will be just fine.
The best news is that my 24 hour nausea has now gone completely, thank gods.
I have started to feel flutters in my lower abdomen which are apparently the Truffle ‘quickening’ and saying ‘hi’ as he/she redecorates and makes the necessary extensions to the pink room. With all the pulling and yanking going on in my ligaments I’d say these are some fairly major renovations and I expect my next ultrasound will show a multi level uterine mansion with a deck and a pool.
All the flutterings are quite exciting and I’ve taken to having in depth conversations with the Truffle about everything from federal politics and French literary greats to what we want for dinner that evening but I just get the same bubbly fluttering reply to whatever I’m talking about. The skills of communication of our little truffle will no doubt improve greatly when he/she is actually born. 😉
People’s reactions as they find out about the pregnancy have been peculiar and mixed to say the least.
Our parents are thrilled, mine in their normal low key but loving way (if my folks were any more laid back they’d be horizontal) but the in-laws are beside themselves and literally giddy with excitement. My mother in law are calling from England more frequently and sending gifts already. She is baby obsessed. And it is very sweet and very lovely.
My self absorbed brother, has yet to actually directly acknowledge to me that I am pregnant. His moronic question of ‘was it on purpose?’ was via someone else. When my five year old niece, his daughter, declared with great excitement that “Aunty A. has a baby in her tummy” his only response, in front of me, was “I know” as he walked out of the room without acknowledging my presence or offering any congratulations. We are not close. I dislike him. A lot.
His lovely partner, on the other hand, has been interested, excited and lovely.
Our friends have been the most perturbing though. Whilst most have simply been very happy for us there have been odd reactions too.
Single friends worry that I won’t want to play with them anymore.
A friend of M’s with small children has welcomed us to the “the Club” and said that now we’ll be able to see each other more often which offends me a little as it implies we weren’t welcome in their lives when we were childless.
Other parents spend hours regaling us with tales of how our lives are over now. Yay! That’s a positive spin. Oddly, these same parents are still breeding so it can’t be all that bad.
My favourite comments have been from a small handful of people who have gone the “But aren’t you too old?” route… to which I reply “obviously not” and they respond by telling me that my child will be retarded, have all manner of illnesses, be premature and/or late and that its really irresponsible to be starting a family at my age.
For fucksake, I’m 37 not 73. These comments are unwelcome, uninformed and are generally responded to with a not so gentle “fuck right off idiot”.
There has been more than one friend whose response to our news is to demand “You have to make me godparent” which is frankly bizarre as
a) I thought we were meant to make that request not the other way around
b) we don’t believe in ‘God’ per se, and
c) M and I have always said we don’t believe in the whole Godparent as a token thang.
Regardless of our beliefs we would obviously prefer not to be put in the awkward position of having to say no to people we really care about and risk offending them. Besides, can you imagine with all the deities floating around in our place the iconic riot we’d have on our hands if we had a single secular ‘God’ parent as opposed to a ‘Ganesha/Buddha/Shiva/Ixchel/Kwan Yin/Bast etc etc Parent’. Our easy solution is that we are not having ANY Godparent/guardians or whatever else you want to call them. Nada. Zip. We may have a welcoming/naming soiree (when the in-laws come out) but it will be very non traditional and very much on our terms.
Then there are the friends who become overly familiar and think that suddenly it’s ok to start feeling up my belly and getting in my personal space. It would seem pregnancy makes one public property which is a little off putting to a person who suffers from tactile issues with non life partners.
Only a few new parents we have spoken to haven’t immediately descended into negatives, these will be the parents we will use as our preferred parental role models.
Tomorrow we’re off to the OB for an update and in just 11 days we get our big scan to find out if it is a boy or girl truffle. So exciting… I now can’t decide which I’d prefer, which is great because it means I’ll be ecstatic either way.