See Spot Sob

The waiting really is the hardest part! I would give anything for a needle to inject or a blood test to take just to feel like I am participating in this process still rather than it being in the lap of the Gods (mind you, I’ve been sucking up to them all so I should be covered there)

Speaking of Gods, I got a lovely Aztec ‘thing’ yesterday which is yet another alleged fertility icon, as one can never have quite enough. Ixchel, as she is named, is a quite charming lump of deformed clay with large saggy breasts who is hanging on with both hands to her fabulously flabby gut. On her head is coiled a fairly phallic snake. She is wonderfully obscure and has happily moved in next to the other icons that, like me, love her for her grotesque uniqueness.

I have to say that since the truffle shuffle I have been erratic, moody, emotional and my head is on a constant rotating cycle of contradictory thoughts… positive, negative, hope, despair until I’m dizzy from it.

I am mean and moody. I yelled at our local pizza dude so badly that we had to find a new pizza place (he WAS being a twat but I admit to overreacting just a tad) and then I screamed at a random Foxtel guy (mind you they had stuffed us around and we were Foxless for nearly a month and this during the time when I actually craved inane television.) Thus far I haven’t actually physically attacked anyone and M has escaped unscathed from my abuse… but he is sensibly wary and knows it’s probably in the post.

I keep getting period like pains and twinges (that I am told to read nothing into by the staff at Casa Conception as it is probably just my drug addicted uterus having withdrawal symptoms from all the drugs I’ve been pumping into it)

Of course, being a human female, I am reading whole epic novels into the pains. The two most popular themes being “it’s the truffle happily implanting… joy!” and “It’s my period coming… it’s all over… Misery!”

I have been unsuccessfully trying to distract myself with anything at all… walks, chats with friends, movies, old favourite books, tidying, pretty shiny objects and even our newly restored foxtel in all it’s utter crapulousness and the cathode ray brain degenerator has proven to be my downfall.

Yesterday, somehow, I ended up engrossed in the tail end of the Channel 9 Midday Movie, the truly awful ‘See Spot Run’, starring a random Arquette. I have never desired to watch this movie and ordinarily such a movie would inspire me to shoot my television Elvis style… but ordinarily I am not a hyper hormonal, vague and moody idiot.

Only coming in, as I mentioned, at the tail end of the film, I was immediately engrossed in the exciting story of a clichéd bratty kid, a clichéd dickhead adult, a clichéd and clutzy Mafioso crime lord and a clichéd large unspotted dog called spot who is also an undercover FBI agent. Clearly this was essential viewing for a woman who has watched… and enjoyed… over the last few weeks the movies Syriana, Little Miss Sunshine, Eat Drink Man Woman and Babel.

I would like to share with you some real reviews of this tour de force of a film.

“It is possible, in fact highly probable, that the writers of this movie are as idiotic as the fat-headed lead character on screen.” Michael Thomsen, BBC

“What’s amazing about See Spot Run is that, granting how wretched it looks from the trailers and TV ads, it’s actually so very much worse even than that.” M.V Morrehard, New Times

“See Spot Run is one of those movies that make you put your head in your hands and mourn the death of popular culture.” Gene Seymour, Newsday

Sadly in this tale, the spoilt brat child has to give the dog he has had for all of 24 hours back to the FBI when it’s real identity has been revealed. My reaction to this was to sob… and sob… and sob… and sob.

Luckily, five minutes later the boy is given the dog back when the FBI trainer, who has loved the dog for years and invested his entire life into training said dog, that Spot loves the boy he has known for 24 hours much more than him and gives the boy the dog back. My reaction to this was to sob… and sob… and sob… and sob.

My reaction is telling me something. Firstly, hormones are very dangerous things. Secondly, IVF turns educated and relatively sane people into blubbering certifiable morons.

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2 Comments

Filed under iconography, impatience, IVF, stupidity, waiting

2 responses to “See Spot Sob

  1. haha! too funny! Those reviews are choice.
    As an IVF person, are you robbed of the joy of performing hundreds of pregnancy tests way too early?

    • Not robbed per se. I do have the option of further traumatising myself by weeing on sticks though Casa Conception advised against it as the risk of a false positive is high due to the amount of hormones running around my body from the injections and the squirty up the lala progesterone cream.
      It hasn’t stopped me being magnetically drawn into every chemist I have passed. I have even walked to the counter with the tests in hand before tearing myself away to go home and watch more crap midday movies and cry at toilet paper commercials.

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