Don’t let the door hit your resin arse on the way out.

She had to go. It was either her or me.

I am, of course, referring to the previously mentioned Kwan Yin, my recently acquired festeringly ugly icon of fecundity.

Kwanny didn’t survive the month. I had to avert my eyes every time I saw her/him for her/his abject hideousness and vague resemblance to a Hermaphrodite Virgin Mary bothered me greatly.

And it wasn’t just me who felt this way. Our household never accepted her/him . M thought she/he  repellent, Eddie  snubbed her/him and the other icons didn’t play nice either… because she/he was ‘different’. Now before you get the wrong idea, the icons in our household are all very open minded and supportive about Kwannys sexual ambivalence but unfortunately, like their owner, they are intensely shallow and feared her/his grosse ugliness could somehow rub off and tarnish their own statuesque loveliness.

She/he has now been banished but for fear of otherworldy reprisals, has been replaced with her/his prettier self. I found the lovely Kwan Yin 2 today in an Asian Artifacts store and though still of dubious sexual orientation she is a beautiful and ethereal bronze and all the other icons fancy her greatly.

More importantly I find her simply devine and any magical conception charms she can send our way will be happily received without fear of them grotesquely deforming our future offspring by osmosis.

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